Saturday, 24 October 2009

I cut my own throat,my fingers are next.

Transilvanian Hunger...cold..soul
Your hands are cruel...to haunt..to haunt

the mountains are cold...soul...soul...
careful..pale...forever at Night

Take me...can't you feel the Call
Embrace Me Eternally in your daylight slumber

To be Draped by the Shadow of your Morbid Palace
ohh, Hate Living...The only heat is warm blood

So Pure... So Cold

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

I stopped biting my fingernails !


I have this grudge against coffee,im sure both my sisters do to.
The sound of my dad shouting from his chair,LEEEEE,it was usually one of two things,I was in trouble or I was making a cup of coffee,as I would shout back in a high pitched squeel WHATTTTTT I would usually be waiting for a responce wth baited breath!if the words GET HERE NOW! where shouted my initial response would lead to me thnking "shit what have I done" then the all to familiar feel of piss trickling down my leg knowing I was in for it,but nine times out of ten it would be the usual call of MAKE ME A COFFEE like I was some in house barista,I swear ive made more coffees in my life than the entire workforce of starbucks.
Times have changed now,my dad still drinks too much coffee but its his wife that gets to hear that call these days,From time to time ill pop by his house and offer to make him a coffee I guess I get a sick form of nostalga from it.
Sitting in fact cafe on this rainy day trying to stay dry I find my self ordering a coffee mainly because I always pronounce mocha wrong and it leads to severe embarasment especially when faced with a fairly attractive yet slightly hippyish waitress.
It didnt taste as bitter as I though it would,infact it was reasonably sweet,probably due to the fact I put three sugars in it but mainly because after a productive day trying to further my career and being more excited about that than the usual activities I have going on drinking it I knew im not my dad and altho ive always been obsessed with being as different as I can from him im wasting more energy thinking about it than i would be just leading my life the way I am happy to.
Dont get me wrong,I love my dad dispite the fact he is bat shit crazy and done some terrible things,there is something about a person with regrets that pretty much means I can never hold a grudge with them,I know my dad regrets a lot of things in his life and probably not ever having a career has got to be up there.
I can see it in his eyes when people talk about work,I know I probably get the same look myself,knowing I could be doing more.
Ive been doing a fair ammount to make sure I dont get that look any more and altho im a man with a list of regrets Im a hundred percent sure I dont want that to be one of mine,looking back at my dads life im convinced its been the root of most of his unhappyness,maybe he was to proud to start a job at the bottom from a late age in his life after fucking around for too long,maybe like me he doesnt really like being told what to do or maybe he was just shit out of luck and to damn lazy.
never the less I had to live with his regrets in the past and I dont think after seeing what that did to him id be able to live with my own.

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

5 days 5 nighs

setting offf late
early 2000's bmx music.
looking like i wet myself in a service station
pink floyd
BIG ARV
bad stage dives.
bad tattoos
no sleep
terrible coffee
red veg
pebble beach wrestling
cannons to keep out the germans
jumping photos
accidental band photos
rage against the machiene sing alongs
beachy head
gipping close to the edge
more photos
long walks
tennis footballs
dog leads
everybody jump
nother soul
dancing
moe dancing
the fuck off dance
arguing about who invented the typewriter dance(me)
way over priced pizza
matt definately saying he wanted to have a fight with some one
music in bed
bike rides
five grand bikes
ermmm ive been riding bikes all my life
errrrmmmm its actually twice the size
broken wheels
abandon ship
lovely new people
amazing chilli
terrible tv
really funny convo's
long talks about tattoos
misconceptions gladly broken
new hero
new hero being pretty shit
rob camps outfit
toras house
baker street
d.j matt devine
let fredom reighn from a shot gun blast
loosing seb
more sleep
breakfast with her and seb
nice convo
beach
paddling
stripper boats
stealing olives
funny chats
amazing sunday dinner
nearly actually dying laughing at lukes stories
oh I know whats happened they have got the wrong tony
insane deserts
more belly laughing at haribo eggs on biscuts
bmx bandits
gremlins
cremlins
late nights
sleeping in
watching casino on my own
writing
william blake
veg sausage and beans on toast
the prom
ghost train
free rides
beard
team buffet
buffet ninjas
if you gonna have pie you gotta have cool whip
more laughing at luke
fixing daves bike
dave having the wrong head set
arainging bike rides
shouting at students
genuienly thinking I was going to die laughing at the teef photo
team straight edge
love actually
actuall love
( )
sleeping in again
packing the car
more laughing at matt
intence convo's in the car
long drive home
so much missed out so many laughs people probably thinking im insane or a dick for laughing so much,not really caring.
new friends amazing memories broken hearts sickeneing love,one of the best weekends of my life,thanks so much every one involved I love you all.